Eighty per cent

December 2, 2025

By Bill Kilpatrick

Speaking with a local business owner last week about intimate partner violence, the owner stated something that everyone needs to hear. The owner said that she does not know any women who have not been sexually assaulted. Not one. These are words that floored me and speak to an ongoing, yet hidden, epidemic of intimate partner violence in our society.

Last week I also sat down with Maggie’s Resource Centre executive director Melissa St. Pierre and psychotherapist Arynne Boyes to have a difficult but necessary conversation about intimate partner violence and gender-based violence. The conversation is always difficult for me given that growing up I experienced firsthand the devastating impact of intimate partner violence and child abuse and as the numbers of those suffering from domestic violence continue to increase it makes these conversations, while difficult, more vital than ever.

We as Canadians need to be concerned about the current trends regarding intimate partner violence. Since 2014, which marked the lowest numbers regarding intimate partner violence since recording began, the numbers have been consistently climbing. Statistics Canada has reported that the number of women murdered in 2024 was 240, a disturbing 54 per cent increase from pre-COVID numbers. Statistics Canada also reported that “from 2014 to 2022, police-reported intimate partner violence rates increased 19 per cent for women and girls and 21 per cent for men and boys. They also pointed out that during the same period intimate partner sexual assault increased 163 per cent, intimate partner physical assault increased 14 per cent and indecent or harassing communications increased 38 per cent. And these are only the reported numbers. Stats Canada estimates that some 80 per cent of incidents go unreported, which means that, when estimates say that one in four women will experience intimate partner violence, the number is likely closer to three in four.

While intimate partner violence impacts both men and women, by far it is women who are most at risk. That’s not to say that violence against men is acceptable, it is not, no violence in a relationship is acceptable, but the vast majority of victims continue to be women, members of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, and people of colour.

While statistics can be powerful, they can leave the victims of intimate partner violence without a voice. Which is why the annual Ontario Association of Interval and Transitional housing report on Femicide in Ontario is an important document. It puts faces to names and humanizes faceless statistics and tells a story about the lives of women, mothers, sisters, and friends, that were taken in what can only be called an ongoing femicide. The report points out that these are just the murders that are known, to say nothing of the multitudes that remain nameless and unknown.

What we do know however is the devastating impact of intimate partner violence. While Statistics Canada estimated the economic impact to be over $7-billion per year in 2009, a number which has likely doubled since that time, what many people don’t know is that victim costs make up 80 per cent of that total including medical attention, lost wages, lost education, the value of stolen/damaged property, and pain and suffering.

However, given the long-lasting impact of the pain and suffering combined with the fact that 80 per cent of victims never report the crime, it’s hard to estimate the true impact that intimate partner violence has. During my conversation with Boyes she spoke about how intimate partner violence impacts people. While she reiterated that everyone experiences and deals with things differently, there are some common responses that people have. She pointed out that from a trauma perspective intimate partner violence is long-lasting due to what she called “small ripple effect pieces.” She pointed out that victims suffer both psychologically and physiologically as they struggle to make sense of a world that for them is no longer safe and they are no longer safe moving through it.

Boyes pointed out that intimate partner violence impacts people’s ability to cope with and respond to stress, which impacts their immune system, their sleeping patterns and ultimately their daily lives. People often experience a sense of hyper vigilance, partake in safety behaviours by avoiding triggers and potential triggers, feel isolated, alone, and stigmatized. Some people are so paralyzed by the event that they can no longer meet their basic needs like eating and self-care.

Further to this Boyes spoke about the grief that victims of violence feels as they “grieve an identity that no longer exists” and “grieve for a life that could have been without the violence.” This grieving process, which is a non-linear process, comes with feelings of denial, bargaining, anger, and depression as the victim attempts to accept that their world will never be the same again.

Further to these impacts is a sense of shame that often comes with victimization as the victim struggles with the incident. Boyes said that victims often look back at what they could have done or should have done differently, which she points out is fruitless, since the victim did not choose to be victimized. But the impact of this shame can be devastating causing the victim to withdraw, indulge in self-criticism, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and experience a loss of the ability to enjoy life.

Boyes also pointed out that people can protect themselves from becoming victims by watching for red flags that could indicate future abusive behaviour. She pointed out that when a partner repeatedly violates and tests your boundaries, even the small ones, this is a sign that they will escalate to violating other boundaries both physical and sexual as well. Other signs to watch out for include a partner who does not listen to you, does not include you in decision making, and who makes you feel unsafe using behaviours, gestures, and looks. While one incident may not indicate an intention to abuse, any behaviour of this sort should be a warning sign and not be tolerated, Boyes said to be mindful patterns of behaviour over time as they will escalate.

When asked what the most difficult piece is for victims of intimate partner violence, Boyes said that isolation and a feeling of disconnection is often the most difficult. She encourages those who do not have strong support networks to seek out resources such as support groups, peer support, therapy and trauma informed therapy, many of which can be found online, including kids help phone and rape crisis centers.

She said that for those who are supporting someone who has been victimized to try and meet the person where they are at, be curious about their experience, and be supportive and compassionate towards them. Even if you don’t know if they have been the victim of violence, everyone can use support and compassion, because you never know, they may be part of the 80 per cent.